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What I thought I have to be vs. WHO I REALLY AM #creatingachange

Jennifer Lalk • 12 October 2020

Fake face-tune filter Face vs. 5 minutes after a good night of sleep face :p 

Hello from Germany to all my amazing people from everywhere <3 
From the bottom of my heart, I wish everyone an amazing day fullfilled with so much love, happiness and of some of the craziest dreams! :p

To be honest with you, this post costs me so much courage, that I was at least thinking half an hour or I guess it was even more, if I am really able to post this. For you, this are probably "just two different" pictures, but for me, when I am looking at the photos, all the memories in relation to the one on the left come back into my head. I was 22 back then and the picture on the right is my 24 year old self this morning, almost right after I woke up, with my gym clothes on, because today is leg day.

(And I do not know what is happening to my body, but since I started to open up to other people about my past, my body changed a lot and I am feeling better with every single day. You have to know, that, because of the travelling and living in so many different parts of the world and because my life is super different compared to the life of my old friends, that I lost many friendships, so it is so nice for me, to found an opportunity to kinda connect with other people again. I mean we never know what could happen after we took the first steps towards the right direction..).

But let´s get back to the girl on the left, posing for the 467238064 thousand Instagram picture, feeling super uncomfortable, trying to hide her inner hippie-self with fake lashes, fake tan, fake nails, fake hair, so much make-up on and a super short dress (nothing against short dresses at all!!). When I am looking at the picture, I do not see myself there, because on the inside, I was always like the girl on the right. Too much carrying, too vulnerable, too sporty, too basic and too honest. I mean, I grew up on a farm with two younger brothers, I never was that typical girl, you know? I am simply not interested in most of the things the women around me are interested in, so I always felt super weird and lost and lonely..

To be honest, my parents always took it for guarented that I can manage my own life, because I am the oldest one (I love them to death and I do not want to complain at all), but since I am 7 years old, my little brothers got almost every minute of their attention and I had to figure out all of my problems on my own. When I got older, I was the big sister, a tutor, a cab driver, doctor, cook, therapist and so on, so basically, I was trying to get my stuff together, figuring out how I can follow my purpose, while I was dealing with my eating disorders, studying and working in two different jobs besides solving my brothers life problems, too, because of the divorce of my parents. 

Anyway, I felt so lonely and it was all a way too much for me to handle and too less of the "things" EVERYONE needs, which is love and attention from the right people. So, when I started to train and to publish my first pictures on Instagram, I suddenly got some attention. People started to be interested in my daily life and it kinda helped me to fight against my inner emptiness. I started to create the person you see on the left, to hide my inner self, because I always thought, I am not enough, I am too ugly, no one could ever really like me and so on. During this process, I became a person, I was not able to identify anymore. Every single time I was looking in my eyes in the mirror, I saw my real soul and all the things I really need and they had nothing to do with the things I was doing every single day. I was living a life which was not mine at all, but I still thought, that is the only way to make it out of here. I was burned-out and because of all the things I had to do and decided to do on a daily basis, I was just running around like a crazy person without any idea where I was actually running to. September the 14th 2018 was the day my mom married her new boyfriend without telling me about it. I received a whatsapp massage, which she sent to all of her phone contacts. During this time, I was living in her house, with her boyfriend, my grandmother and herself and she was not telling me that she is going to marry him! I am getting emotional right now, because that day is almost exactly two years ago from now and that is also exactly the time between these two pictures below. 

On September 14th 2018 I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I decided, that my life is important, too and that I have the right of living and creating a life I really want to be a part of. All the years before, I always had to put myself into the last row, my parents were not able to help me financially to fight for my dreams (and to be honest, they never believed in me and were always against everything I really wanted). I guess, they wanted to kinda keep my small, because I was managing so many things back then at home.

Anyway, with 22 years, I sold all the stuff I had, quitted my jobs, cancelled my university and jumped into the plane to Australia. Only my brothers and my clostest friends knew about it. I told no one, because I knew, they would do anything to stop me from finally living the life I want. Even more, the life I needed so bad, to get back to my own roots, to relieve myself from all the pressure, doubts, fears and all the stress. As you can imagine, it was hard, especially because I am such a super sensitive and loving person and even though I knew I had to do it if I want to save my own life, It broke my heart into 1000 pieces, knowing how hard I have heard my mom, my dad and my grandmother. (During that time, I had no contact with my dad at all. We were not speaking for six years after the divorce. But now everything is better between us than ever and I love him so much!!). I left long letters for my mom and my granny. Today, they understand why I did what I did and they forgive me. <3

I am sorry, I kinda lost the message I wanted to tell you, but everything I have in my mind now is: BE WHO YOU REALLY ARE and do not hide your true self, because you are afraid of not being accepted for who you are. You have the right to be happy and to live the life you need to be truly happy. And I mean, look at the girl on the right side of the picture, her eyes are smiling (yeah I know I still look a bit sleepy, but I am such an early bird so.. :p).

Thank YOU for giving woman like me the chance to open up to other people. I love you all so much and I wish you nothing else, but a happy, lovely and amazing life <3

With hugs for everyone,

Jen <3
by Jennifer Lalk 16 Sept, 2021
Hello SUPERHERO :) Is it hard to dream? Honestly, I don´t think so, but it really depends on where you are living and how your life is atm and for sure, how strong your inner strength is already. I experienced, that the people in Australia have always been very suportive, positive-minded and fullfilled with so much good energy that everything seems to be possible. No matter where I started to tell someone about my visions, missions and all the dreams/ goals I wanna achieve in my life, they said: GO AND GET IT! NEVER EVER STOP DREAMING AND BELIEVING IN YOURSELF and please promise me/ us to NEVER EVER LISTEN TO NEGATIVE PEOPLE, because they will try to break that positivity, enthusiasm and your lust for life down. NEVER EVER let that happen, babygirl. ALRIGHT? Alright !!! Back in Germany, the opposite was the case. The majority of the people here is conservatively, small-minded and I would say more negative/ stressed than happy and satisfied. And that sucks! I am not joking, I just hate negativity and all the not questioned "advices" so much, because they usually make absolute non-sense, are full of the fears and doubts from other people while they are also trying to give you a bad feeling about your MISSION, kinda like that they are 100% sure, that you will never ever succeed. I always feel like I am in a prison when I stuck at my hometown (the pandemic is everywhere and where I am living atm, the whole november is supposed to be something quite simular to the first look-down at the beginning of this year). I usually never listen to the radio or television news, but this information for sure arrived in my head. Gyms and restaurants are closed again, we are not allowed to meet more people than 5 at once and they have to be from max. two households. When I heard the information yesterday, I kinda broke down a little bit. I am very determined about pursuing my acting career. Therefore I trained my body and mind very hard the last 3 months. I have my personal best shape, I ever had and I was proud on the mental and physical progress I made. So logically, I was frustrated. BUT thanks to the universe, this did not last long. I decided to build my own gym in the garage, to continue eating (very) clean, even though this feels just super normal to me know and I absolutely LOVE it!, to go for nature walks, read business books, practise acting and my english and so on and so on and so on. And I will also do an experiment, which I call the "no-negativity-november". This experiment requires an absolute positive, confident and clear mind and because I really wanna be genualiy happy, even though it feels like my dreams are again far far away, I finally wanna live my life while being truly happy. And maybe, we can practise being happy no matter what? I will find that out. I was in Texas during the first lockdown. I wrote my first book and I did my first self-experiment back then. I lived without a phone, not knowing the time and not watching any TV or Netflix really had such a huge positive impact on my life. My head never was that clear before and I never had so much energy and positive feelings inside of me than during this time. It was simply so refreshing. Like living in my own little bubble of happiness and freedom.
by Jenni Lalk 15 Sept, 2021
The people who know me since a very long time already, might probably also know how much I struggled in relation to my own body, hardly finding myself beautiful and worthy to be loved... I am probably the perfect example on how hard the beauty standards in the 21th century can destroy your body, heart, mental health and soul. At the age of 12, I started my first diet, because of a mean comment, I received for my stomach back then in school. I never thought that this one comment would change my life forever, but it did and I am still recovering from everything I did to my own self. One and a half year ago, I decided to quit every social media platform including whatsapp. I don´t have instagram, facebook, twitter, snapchat, tiktok and so on. The list of social media apps is pretty long these days. I am only using the apps I REALLY need to have in relation to my work as an actress, author and social activist. As hard as I don´t wanna use them, but I am simply not at the point where my position in this industry is so high, that people know me without all these apps. On the other hand, there are some really good benefits of the possibility and the access to global connection. I can sadly say, I had it all. Anorexia, bulimia, depressions, anxciety, binge eating, healthy food addiction in combination with crazy food restrictions while being obsessively addicted to working out. Sometimes I still wonder how my body, heart and soul survived all the damaged I did to my own self for all these years. I remember my darkest hours like they have been yesterday, and sometimes (if I allow myself to do so), I can still feel all that pain even though the colors are getting lighter and lighter. First burn-out at the age of 18, second one with 21, thirnd one at the age of 23. THEREFORE, All I wanna do now, is helping others with my story. To take away any feelings of guilt, fear and shame in relation to any of those (and all the other things I luckily did not had to experience myself) I wanna be the role model, teacher and speaker my younger self would have need-ed so much. I wanna become that person, people can open up to in their darkest moments without being afraid to get judged, laughed at or rejected. I don´t hate anybody, because I truly believe in the good of humanity, and I try my best to life a live without having any prejudices. Of corse, it is not always easy and I guess almost everyone can relate to it, but I know that we all become more kind to ourselves and everyone else, it will be possible to become a better, more loving, caring, sharing and healthy human with that so much needed open mind-set in relation to everything that is currently going on in our modern societys and the whole world. Everyone of us carries it´s own package. No one can see how a person might REALLY FEEL on the inside simply by a look at the face. For sure, sometimes you see all the pain or you feel how desperated someone is, but trust me, people are good in hiding. I was able to hide it all. Don´t ask me how I did it, because it was the unhealthiest bullshit I ever did and I highly recommand to never ever start doing so!!!! You and up being totally destroyed and lonely and no one truly wanna be lonely in this life. The only thing you can do is, to focus more and to work more towards your inner goals. Fulfillment, satisfaction, joy, love, health, gratitude, and happiness are all found inside of us. Your heart knows the way and if you focus on what makes you happy and keeps you healthy, you will be able to light up other people´s lifes too. Imagine how amazing this world could be, if everyone would take more care of themselves first and then start to share that healing wisdom, the unlimited love and the inner soul-sparkle. This world could be the most beautiful society and I wanna be a part of the movement into the right direction.
by Jenni Lalk 15 Sept, 2021
How I got it all back, decluttered my mind and life to find my inner purpose and the strength to believe in myself again. One of the first questions I am always asking someone I just met is: What is your dream? Or what are your dreams you wanna realize during your life? I figured out very quick, that the answer depends a lot in relation to the background, age and current job of that person. If I ask children, they always tell me their wildest dreams, craziest visions and super funny things they wanna do and I absolutely love it. Kids are so pure and honest and the sparkle in their eyes is something, I will always try to keep forever as soon as I am having my own kids one day. If I ask the usual 9-5 worker (we all know them, so I don´t wana get deeper into their usual daily routines, weekend plans and life motivation in general, because as long as they are happy, I don´t mind anything), the answer is always like: hm, more time and a better payment. Or they just start laughing, because they have no clue what to answer. They simply forgot how to dream and imagine all these things they once did as kids. I guess, that because of our school system, societies norms and the pressure on everybody, who gives us the feeling since primary school, that we are nothing without an official development or an university degree slowly reduces our creativity, positive way of thinking and believing in our own individual skills. We learn so much about chemistry, mathematics or how to analyze a poem correctly and yet almost nothing about life itself. No one in school teaches you something about financial education for example, or how to start and run your own business (LIFE IS A BUSINESS, so everyone is a businessowner simply by being a human!). But what is the worst for me is, that we don´t learn anything about our mind, the importance of gratitude and kindness and how to be confident in our own skin. Topics like spiritual and mental growth, how to deal with life in general in relation to all the things which are sooner or later crossing our way. I don´t understand how they can not even be mentioned? No one helps us to develop our own inner strengths, to trust our intitutions and skills or to discover our naturally given talents to turn them into our future jobs to make sure we will be unconditionally happy. Believe me, we are all so fullfilled with unlimited potential and the only way to be really satisfied in this life is, if we unlock our inner potential box. Honestly, I think I now understand why "they" don´t want us to know all these things. The people who created our work- and school-systems are for sure not dump. They want that the people feel smart, free, important and unique, but they for sure don´t want you to succeed OUTSIDE of their system, because without the majority of the people believing in what "they" say, nothing would work. "They" keep us small and make us anxious with a lot of wrong media news. They create stories, keep us lazy with all the technology and devise more and more unhealthy "food" which causes so many people overweight. That´s why I am always saying: don´t eat so much processed food and don´t take any pills straight away just because you feel a little pain here and there. I believe so much, that healthy food, enough water, an active lifestyle, happiness, no inner stress and enough sleep are almost all we need to stay healthy for our whole life! And LOVE for sure!! I don´t want to make you nervous or say that everything is a huge trick/ lie, but I highly recommand to educate yourself. Question everything, read more books and don´t believe something, just because the majority of a crowd is believing in it. Always remember: if 1.000.000 people are saying bullshit, it is still bullshit. I stepped away from the crowd. It was defiantly not easy and it took me years to really clear my mind and be able again to think on my own. I guess this is also part of the "becoming an adult" progress, but I honestly think, that there should be no "end of the education or developing progress" in our life. Our whole life is a progress and as soon as we stop moving forward, we are moving backwards. I don´t believe, that there exists anything in between. And I don´t mean that we can´t take any breaks, we need to take breaks for sure, but never ever stop working on yourself for yourself in every single way and direction. The potential and knowledge is unlimitid. It is endless.
by Jenni Lalk 15 Sept, 2021
Do I wish my past would have been different? I mean, I for sure did for years, while I was trying to understand why I feel so miserable, lost, insecure, confused, lonely and depressed until I´ve learned to understand that I can truly change the way I feel from within WITHOUT a change from people, places and circumstances from the outer world. Therefore, today, I can honestly say NO, because it made me so strong, that I know I can help and support so many other men and women with my story, which will hopefully help them to love themselves more, to be kind and friendly to themselves and to not compare themselves anymore. I hope that I can make people believe in their own limitless potential, natural given talents, worthiness for living here and as a result, to treat themselves, the people around and our environment better. Everyone is a masterpiece of the universe, who is so unique and beautiful and worth it to do everything you can dream of. If you believe in your inner strength, potential for wealth, beauty and health, you will find everything you are wishing for. With patience, love, gratitude and kindness. With wholeheartness and compassion. I´m in love with nature, especially the ocean and the beach, but I am truly in love with nature in every given way!! I need to be in the nature, sometimes on my own and sometimes with a friend to feel all the beautiful energy which comes from our earth. (and people!!!) I also love to feel and practice yoga and meditation, to nourish my body with healthy, plant-based and wholesome foods. I do not really like prosessed foods and am mostly avoiding them. Not because I force myself to do so, but because I understood and started to see FOOD AS MEDICINE. Of corse, chocolate is nice and sometimes I would die for cakes and cookies, but instead of buying them, I either bake it myself or go to a sweet. wholesome food local cafe where I know that they bake it with real ingredients and LOVE <3 I love experiments, challenges and changes. I could read lovestories for hours over and over again (and I actually do this :p) For mor than two years, you didn´t find me on any social media platform, because I was living without it all ! :O (I can almost here your shocked face now, but you´ve read right) Honestly, I was just bored at the end by scrolling through it seeing all these similiar face tune-faces and unrealistic bodies. For me, this was absolutely not healthy for my mind and not worth it spending my time with. I WANT THAT REAL IMPERFECT LIFE! I was too much influenced by all these perfect lifes, my soul and heart were sick, sad and unfulfilled...I was lost and had no clue about how and where to find my own direction...path for living my life and so on. Also, I am kinda old fashioned for it, because I love real conversations a way too much and I don´t really like phones in general. (Although with a healthy mind and in moderation, phones are simply SO freaking unseful. They allow us to connect with so many different kinds of people from anywhere, and without a phone, I would never be able to check in with my family and friends so regulary!) "If my work would be possible without it all, you would never ever see me with a phone again", said my old 23 year old me. If travelling isn´t the best thing in this world, I can´t imagine what it could be then. Okay COFFEE and food are nice and working out, too, but for me discovering the world within myself, meeting amazing people, connecting globally, getting in touch with diverse cultures, spreading happiness and love everywhere I go, is everything and even more. !!! This is and will probably forever be a fact! I LOVE OUR WORLD <3 Besides my #creatingachange mission, my passion for acting in based on a true story movies, I believe in including UNISEX MODELING more, because I could imagine that so many people these days don´t feel clearly associated with just one sexe (the/ society´s expression, expectations and realizations of it) any longer! If I imagine seeing so many diverse people running down the runway all over the world for GENDER-EQUAL fashion..ahh I am getting goosebumps already! THIS is exciting!! SO keen to see how the fashion industry might realize it one day!
by Jenni Lalk 15 Sept, 2021
Being successful one day means to start at the bottom of it all. Success itself is a loooooooooooong road, combined with constantly growing as a person mentally, emotionally and spiritually while staying healthy physically, emotionally, mentally AND spiritually. It also includes to take every little chance and opportunity you get, to be brave, to take that extra mile and to fight for your rights! (as long as it has anything to do with bringing you closer to your over all goal which should always, at the end of the day, mean the most positive impact for generosity.) It is important to always remind ourselves of the direction we wanna walk our lifes along, otherwise we might loose our own path and fall apart a way to often. If we don´t have that inner strength yet, we need to work on that! For me, doing yoga, spending time in nature, painting and writing and taking care of my own body, mind and soul is such a huge thing, because I truly believe that everything we will ever need is already inside of us. We just have to learn how to unlock our own, unique potential to be able to life our lives to it´s fullest. Therefore it is seriously important that we nourish our bodies and souls with REAL FOODS, some SOULFOOD and a healthy balance between hard work and selfcare or family time. I would say that most of us are too afraid and to scared to take the risks or honestly the only thing you really need is time. Time to sit down and to START THINKING about ourselve, our values and the way we wanna create ourself while creating our own life. We all have univers-given talents and some things we are so passionated about that room and time almost doesn´t exist while we are activly doing these things. USE IT WISELY MY FRIEND. The second you truly start to ONLY listen to your inner voices in relation to who you are, you you wanna be and who you wanna become, you will be able to figure this all out. Believe me, at first it sounds weird and crazy, but if you wanna life a live in which you find true inner happiness and freedem, THIS IS THE KEY to it. Since I am 6 years, I was already performing on stage with my ballet school and the circus I was a part of. And since then, my passion never stopped and my dream of becoming a professional actress never stopped either. I know that everything you are thinking about every single day for years is worth it fighting for! NEVER EVER STOP until you make yourself proud. Real success takes more time than you can ever imagine, because it all starts with the hardest part of letting yourself grow while truly starting to discover your inner voices and following your heart. It is not just applying for that job, it is the personal change you need to truly succeed in your life. Choose your thoughts wisely and take an eye on the people you are spending most of your time with. Focus more on your inner health while taking care of the foods you are consuming on a regular daily basis. Believe me, you will thank me for that one day.
by Jenni Lalk 29 May, 2021
Hello Everyone :) This artivle here is written in german, because as you might no or not, but yes, I am from Germany and therefore that´s where I started the movement...Almost two weeks ago, I had a press interview with a local newspaper to share my vision, mission and intentions towards the education reform I was planning during the last three years. I believe in humanity. And I believe that to change it all, to heal it all and to transform it all into a peaceful, loving, caring, sharing and wealthy world, WE have to re-connect ourselves with who we truly are: HUMAN BEINGS with a mind, a heart, a body and a soul. Most of our education is based on knowledge and the way we learn things in schools is therefore very mind-orientated. Yes, this in general is not bad at all, but what is so dangerous and the reason for SO MUCH!! struggles, diseases, wars, barriers, unequality, fears, violences, griefs, consumption and so on is, that we do not develop our consciousness, strengthen ourselves from within, neither do we learn how to love and that love is the only way to get out of it all. With working against our natural beings, state of living, let´s call it our all most natural essence of existance, the world how it looks today is the only logical result of our past behaviors! WHY? Because love is not able to create negativity! Love doesn´t kill, destroy, manipulate, steal, punish, force onesself, other people or our environment. All this has nothing to do with love and who we truly are and about what this here is all meant to be. The good news: WE HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE IT ALL TOGETHER FOREVER FOR THE BETTER!!! I believe that the perfect time is now and I also believe that we can. Because we deserve a happy, healthy, wealthy, lovely and peaceful life. Each one of us. A life (w)here on earth which is inspiring, motivating, healthy and simply beautiful. A life-journey, we will all want to remember forever, will tell our grandchildren about one day and enjyoing seeing our youth raising up in. If this sounds too far away from the current circumstances, then ask yourself why and if you truly believe, from the bottom of your heart, DOES THIS WORLD HAS TO BE LIKE THIS? If not, please help me to start, develop and establish the AWARENESS RAISING REVOLUTION for EQUALITY IN UNITY WITH DIVERSITY to end the subconscious-mind-controlled Captivity in the 21th Century. with love, JEN.
by Jenni Lalk 26 May, 2021
We are living in the middle of a global economic-social-education-work-life change and it is very interesting to see how our current cultures establish themselves more and more. Usually, when I notice weird things, I keep them to myself BUT a couple of days ago, I saw a huge V on a Hairspray and thought: WTF?! I mean, Hairspray is probably one of THE worst things for our nature, environment and so on...but I believe that some people will automatically feel better buying it only because it has the vegan symbol on it... Living in a mixed-religious-lost-creative-isolated-craving love-online World is a challenge. It is exciting to be a part of the whole movement, the tribe, the new era and all the immense diverse growths here and there, almost everywhere...We have such a huuuuuuuuuuuuge desire to express ourselves and to build and create our own content, businesses and lifes. Nothing is as it was before covid broke out and nothing won´t ever be the way it was before. We´ve all slowed down SO much, at least that´s how it feels for me. I took the longest inner rest ever, focusing on developing, exploring and strengthen my inner state of being...and yeah what can I say? It was freaking amazing!!! I found peace and a feeling of being at home in my ownself besides the outer circumstances. I started writing, painting and creating. I started acting and working on realizing my activism mission...I started to engage more with other people than ever before, because honestly, before covid (which forced me to work on my inner state of being), I was living a very poor life, because I had almost no friends, was always stressed, angry and got mad so quickly! Reflecting now how I was just living, being, speaking and almost not listening to other people before the pandemic kicked in, makes me shake my head from right to left. Gratitude, kindness, patience, compassion, empathy, faith, trust and modesty haven´t been a foreign language to me, but I was just not really living in alignment with the values I was always talking about...knowing something and feeling/ realizing something are two differences we too often see as the same thing. FORGIVENESS was the hardest state of being I had to learn. I was carrying too much negativity inside of me, stored from the past and combined with future anxieties and insecurities which only forgiveness were able to heal. Letting go of expectations, strict visions and other not very smart and productive rules I´ve unconsciously included into my entire life where energy stealing at it´s finest!!! I was so cloudy in my head that I saw nothing besides endless dust and confusion. Through acting on set, I can break myself free. Free from my own mind. I absolutely love this feeling and the work, because it feels liberating, peaceful and simply amazing to me. Writing books almost feels like meditation. Depending on my project, it can for sure variate a lot, but usually I absolutely loose any feeling for space and time while I am writing in my little private book or on my computer. Poems make my heart bleed tears of love, joy and exctasy. Painting while listening to the sounds of nature, feeling the vision in my fingers, being in a total different space, is freedom for me. With my acting, writing and painting, I express the feelings I feel in the 21th Century. As a social activist, I am working on a reform for our societys, in which equality in unity with diversity is the norm. For some reason, dirty action and based on a true story stories are my thing in relation to acting, analyising current movements which are underlined with real life experiences nourish my writing flow, meditation, yoga and nature build the base for poems and paintings and everything together drives me further into the direction of my life´s purpose I guess. Creating the awareness raising revolution while touching hearts and souls through movies, books, art and speeches. I truly believe that our natural given talents exist for a reason.
by Jenni Lalk 25 May, 2021
CONSUMER-CONTENT-CREATER? I´ve never heard of this before, but it feels real, it feels honest and it probably describes perfectly what is going on in the younger generation in the 21th Century. AND I LOVE IT. Damn, we are in the middle of writing different history with starting a new era of humanity. This is so exciting, I am excited. I believe we are in the middle of huuuuuuuuuuge changes...changes which will cause the intellect-captive-destructive era from the past to finally come to an end, to create space for something new to rise and shine. Since the past was fulfilled with structure, strict norms, an after world war II work attetude and (education) system, I truly believe that the arts, the mystical, spirituell and creative things, music, paintings, designing and so on will have their peaks from now on...To me, the last century felt like a captivity while now everything seems to feel more liberating, fulfilling, spirituell, creative, meaningful and simply beautiful than ever before. Something like a re-lived, re-actived gipsy-hippie society back from the 60ties, but more real and longlasting this time...We start to break ourselves free more and more. We build different jobs, ways of living, breathing and exercising simply with DOING IT straight way instead of practicing more and more theory. We don´t want to only be a part of something, we want to create our pa(th)(rt)s. It feels as if we human beings have finally realized that re-connecting with ourselves from within, other people and mother nature around us while believing in the higher guidiance and protection of god and nature, is liberting, fulfilling and peaceful. It feels as if NOW would be(come) the time w here we all finally open up our hearts again, free our soul, to let the love of the world and the spirit of beyond flowing through ourselves. Doing Yoga, practicing meditations, nature walks (we´ve all increased them naturally as a consequence of the pandemic though) and more deep conversations with our families and friends (thank you virus.) forced us to deal with isolation, loneliness and last but not least our own selves. We were confronted with the ones we´ve tried to ignore, surpress and ignore for maaaaaaaaaaaaaany years before...focusing in a very obsessive way on our outer success, money-making for someone else and bringing our bodies in shape with very weird/ dangerous and unhealthy ways made us so busy that we forgot who we are. EMOTIONAL - SPIRITUAL - MENTAL - PHYSICAL BEINGS. (we aren´t called mental-existances for a reason!) However, we were subconscious creatures and now we start to awake and this thought all alone makes me goosebumps already! You can smell the air of change and revolution wherever you go, don´t ya? I am so excited to see how we will express our so long surpressed unique personalities in the future, and how much we will allow our intution to rule our lifes instead of living by intellect knowledge. I would say, THUMBS UP for all of us who believe, work and fight for or dream of a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge change; it is already happening and we will successfully turn the captivity in the 21th century into the century of independency. FOR US and for the future. For Love, Peace, Harmony, Democracy and Equality in Unity with Diversity. :)
by Jenni Lalk 01 Jan, 2021
„Whoever you are, you are not what they say and I believe in you.“ HELLO EVERYONE. My name is Jennifer, but most of the people simply call me Jen, and I love that, because it sounds super basic and a bit cheeky, too. I don´t know anything about this life. I only know what I´ve experienced based on the feelings I´ve felt and the conclusions I´ve made. For that reason, I feel responsible to change somethings in our world. I can´t explain why I know it, but I follow my intuition in this case. The world is a mess and our society´s have lost the respect for dignity and humanity. The way we treat each other is almost on the same level on how we treat our environment. Maybe, it´s even worser. For me, opinions are not necessairy. They are irresponsible, because they create pain, hate, jealousy, anger and war. They destroy the natural beauty of everyone while only expressing something another person thinks about something or somebody else. Thinking means not knowing. Opinions from other people can´t say anything about ourselves, about the person we are from within. It´s only a mirror of the soul from the other person who has expressed the opinion towards us. Wise people know that. I´m literally obsessed with educating, improving and challenging myself, because the last thing I wanted was to be educated by the current system of our society. Therefore, I´ve decided to educate myself. I went to different universities and education schools with the eager want to learn something about life and entrepreneur personalities, but I´ve learned nothing useful to figure this life out. After four years of trying to fit into something our society has to offer, I was exhausted and frustrated. I had enough! I wasn´t able to identify myself with any given job opportunity or title neither could I saw myself walking the way everybody else seems to follow. Nothing felt right for me, nothing made any sense for me. Since that day which is now more than two years ago, I try to find out the truth behind the loss of identities, the forgotten abilities to make individual decisions and the increasing fears to take on responsibilities for anything in life. I don´t believe in living a life based on logic. Therfore, I´ve done and I still do many experiments, self-challenges, observations and analysis to create a way how we can transform the captived robot-society back into an independent society with human beings who are living together in harmony and unity with diversity. For me, our society doesn´t feel like a real democracy where equality for the individual human being is the priority. A very few people rule this world while the majority still doesn´t take any advance of it. The problem is, we blame them, let´s call them the rich one´s, for having heaps of money, power or material things. We identify them as ignorant, selfish, arrogant or narcissistic although the very few one´s are actually the one´s who are trying to change somethings in our world why we are judging or hating them for earning more money than we do. Honestly, I believe most of us are deeply jealous of their more privilege life´s and therefore ignoring how hard some people work every single day for staying successful while we are lazy on the coach. Ignoring everything is the modern way of living. Empathy, honesty, tolerance and acceptance should be(come) the norm. I´ve worked in many different jobs, but no matter where I was, I always had the feeling that somebody else is actually in control about my decisions, life and consciousness. And I don´t like that. Furthermore, I hate it, because it shouldn´t be that way! ON JANUARY 3, 2019 I finally had the courage to search consciously for my own happiness. All I wanted was to find out who I am, why I am here and what this life is all about, because I wasn´t happy for almost twelve years in a row which is exactly the half of my entire life. It took me more than two years to get my consciousness and soul back. In this book, I want to share my results of the connections between our universe and ourselves as human beings to show you how you can be(come) a conscious and responsible human being again. Everyone who feels like he, she or it has lost his, her or it´s mind, will probably find out that it wasn´t the mind you´ve missed, it´s your consciousness, the heart and the soul you are missing. Your mind is just a tool, and should be exactly used like this. Nothing more, nothing less. The reason for your confusion and unfulfillment is, because you are not aware and therefore not able to live consciously. I want to give you the chance to understand your own being better to help you be(come)ing the human being you are meant to be(come). I hope so much that you, whoever you are, haven´t waisted too many years of your own life with being somebody you never were. If so, now is the perfect time to let go of being unhappy, unfulfilled and desperated. You are here for a reason and I´ll help you to find your why, because you deserve everything! I AM VERY OPEN-MINDED and it is one of my main habits to question everything which is going on in our universe in relation to the modern society. I don´t believe anything as long as I haven´t experienced it myself. During the last two years, I´ve tried to find out everything why the human being is how he is today, because I was not able to live under the current circumstances, the behaviours and frightening developments of our society anymore. Everything I saw, heard and observed scared me to death! The day I found out why it is so easy for the very few people to take control over the majority of us blew my breath away, because it´s mostly our own faults based on one single fact: Unawareness. Nevertheless, blaming other people, especially the rich and successful one´s for the miserable life, circumstances and own poverty is very common. Money and power are no excuses for be(come)ing a bad person, neither is their any straight parallel between these two things. We only think this way but this wrong knowledge is only created by opinions, movies and the media. You decide who you want to be(come), no matter how much money, power or material things you have. You´re own values, higher beliefs and how you treat other people should define you and nothing else. The results of my discoveries will hopefully help to repair and re-build the global loss of humanity, empathy and democracy. You might call me dreamer and a miracle believer, but I don´t mind that, because I believe that every dream we dream is placed in us for a reason. And from some reason, I still believe so much in the good of every human being that I finally want to bring the Century of Captivity to an end. IF YOU ARE IN COMA in a hospital your body still functions although you are asleep! We only focus on improving our intellect but never on strengthen emotional and spiritual awareness to get our intuition back. The love of the heart. The inner voices. The dreams. If we would all get our intuition back this world would never look the way it currently does. We can never wake up and stop the mess, if we won´t start getting our consciousness back. NOW. I want to create the Awareness Raising Revolution to help us and especially the further generations to get their consciousness back. Awareness increases the feeling of being responsible for be(come)ing a better person who leaves a positive impact on other people and the environment. This is one of the most amazing results of it and would change it all! Be(come)ing responsible for our thoughts, words and actions is the needed base for creating a great society for everyone. We are human beings and no mental-metal-machines. We need to be connected to our roots, beginnings and beings. If we don´t start to re-build this connection, we will completely disappear soon. This change is so much needed, but only possible, if we are all ready to change. With including emotional and spiritual education into school and university systems of our society´s we would stop further identity-losses and the increasing depression and diseases rates. If we don´t start to change our old behavior patterns, we will soon be lost forever. THE Human BEING WILL BE a MISTERY of HISTORY. I WAS BORN IN GERMANY which makes me a non english native. Therefore, I deeply and directly apologize for any further pronounciation and tense mistakes. I´ve tried my best and I hope for your understanding. I remember somethings back from my days in school, but honestly, I wasn´t the most attentive student. My thoughts have always been somewhere else trying to figure something(s)…I hope your interest in finding out why it seems that we are all living in a modern world fulfilled with irresponsible, ignorant, intollerant and externally-controlled robots is strong enough to overlook my mistakes. I´m not a professional scientist, politican neither an author, so I don´t know if I´m able to express everything the way I feel it from within. I´ve tried my best with scetches and pictures to help you visualize the problems I see. I really appreciate your time and I hope that the courage I´ll try to give you to get your own consciousness back fulfills your heart and soul with an eager will for be(come)ing a better version of yourself. For yourself and anybody else. You have the right to be(come) a human being again, if you don´t want to exist as an externally-controlled robot anymore. If you open your heart and soul soul wide to this beautiful world we are living in, your life won´t ever be the same again! Let us all be(come) more conscious, responsible, healthy and happy human beings together again. Let us create a society in equality in unity with diversity in the 21th Century of Independency. A Century where the people have a heart again. Thank you very much for reading what I want to change. X, Jen. CONTENTS ________________________________________________________ FOREWORD OUR SOCIETY INTRODUCTION NEVER GOOD ENOUGH PART I __________________________________________________________ THESIS: „CAPTIVITY IN THE 21th CENTURY!“ INTRODUCTION HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE HERE? SOCIETY´S OBSESSION INTELLECT EDUCATION PART II ____________________________________________________________ ANALYSIS: „ARE WE CAPTIVED AND CONTROLLED?“ LIBERTY MOVEMENT 2 YEARS BREAKING FREE JOURNEY A. THE UNKNOWN JOURNEY OF LIVING: DISCOVERING AWARENESS B. BUILDING INNER STRENGTHS: HAVING A MENTOR C. STAYING ON TRACK: BEING CONSCIOUS PART III ____________________________________________________________ DIARY INSIGHTS: I. CAPTIVITY in the 21th CENTURY II. SEX in the 21th CENTURY III. LIBERTY MOVEMENT in the 21th CENTURY IV. BURN-OUT in the 21th CENTURY IV. INDEPENDENCY in the 21th CENTURY PART IV ___________________________________________________________ CONCLUSION: „WE ARE CAPTIVED AND CONTROLED!“ THE PROOF THE SUB-CONSCIOUS HUMAN PART V ___________________________________________________________ THE SOLUTION: „CREATING A CHANGE“ 1. BUILDING THE BRIDGE: GLOBAL AWARENESS RAISING 2. STRENGTHEN THE AWARENESS: CONSCIOUS-MINDED HUMAN BEINGS 3. EXTENDING THE EDUCATION SYSTEM: EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL CLASSES THE RESULT: THE SUPER-CONSCIOUS BEING PART VI ____________________________________________________________ FOR THE FURTHER GENERATION: WHAT WOULD I TELL MY YOUNGER SELF? PART VII _______________________________________________ ABOUT THE AUTHOR THANKSGIVING ATTACHEMENTS
by Jenni Lalk 17 Oct, 2020
HAPPY SATURDAY <3 Good morning sweethearts! :) It is the weekend and the weekend is FOR SURE made for pancakes, pizza, coffee dates, laughers, family time and nature adventures. I love adventures so much. I am honestly addicted to try out new things, because all I want is growing and growing and growing into a really strong personality. I step out of my comfort zones almost every single day, because I love the feeling afterwards so much and once you really started doing it, you kinda get addicted to all the emotions you receive. I really feel how much every fear I proudly faced, changes me and how it makes me stronger and more confident! The pictures are from scene number one from my last weeks shoot. I was sitting alone in this little white dress in the middle of a hall. More than 20 people have been around me, not even to mention all the cameras who were looking straight at me and I felt amazing. I am honest with you. One year ago I would never been able to do things like this, because I felt so insecure about myself and I cared so much about other people´s opinions that I was totally blocked from within. Nobody is able to unlock his or hers true potential, if we let other people define who we are, and we will never achieve anything in life if we let other people´s negative comments, fears and doubts into our mind, heart and soul. I am telling you honestly, if you really wanna be happy and successful, step away from everyone and everything that does not see your true potential and REALLY believes that you are able to achieve your goals and live your dreams. YOU ARE ABLE to be exactly the person you know you are by yourself already. This life is not meant to be lived alone. Therefore, it is super important to surround yourself with positive minded and confident people. Together we are stronger than alone and the more we support each other, the more will our own confidence grow. It is almost an exponential process, believe me. This week has been mentally very hard and challenging for me. Honestly, on tueseday I was breaking down, because I was so desperated. All I wanted to do was to hew my head against a wall to let go of the pressure I felt in my head. It is really true that, the higher you set your own goals, the harder you have to work for them. But what does this mean exactly? It means that your days are longer, that your doubts are deeper and that you will suffer more than anybody else around you. If you REALLY believe in yourself and that YOU ARE THE ONE who can make it to the top, this is the price you pay. Prepare yourself every single day to make sure you are 105% ready when you finally get that call. No one is interested in you, if you don´t show what you can BY WORK. Words mean nothing. There are so many beautiful, talented and amazing people out here. The only way how you can stand out of the crowd to get what you want is BY WORK. And that´s why I truly believe that with hard work, you can outwork them all. Life is a cyrcle so GIVE IT ALL YOU HAVE GOT! And never ever ever ever give up! Seriously, success is a hard long road, but it will come FOR SURE! x, Jen
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